and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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