Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
