You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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