Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
pray to the hookup gods
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
