lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
