So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
