we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
