Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
