i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
