So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
