i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
