she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
