I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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