1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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