You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
