Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
