my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
