is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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