Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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