weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
