Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
