Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
