my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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