ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
