normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
