Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
