so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
