Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
