don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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