okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
