Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
