38 yer olds are good kisserssss
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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