my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just gargled with NyQuil
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
