Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
