If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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