'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Randomize
