According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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