My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
