guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
