Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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