when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
