I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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