Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
