I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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