It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
