'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my shit smells like andre
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
