i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Damn victory sex feels great
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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