it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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