Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
