Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
