I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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