oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
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First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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