you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize