I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
