I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
