Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
