so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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