Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
