You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
