So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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