Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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