Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
